Bible camp is always fun. You meet new people and build relationships with them so they never suspect that you’ll throw them in the lake.
At the Bible Camp that I went to, we were right by a lake.
The camp that I went to had a tradition of throwing people into the lake. This was just a fun thing that we did. There were no real conditions for throwing people into the lake but there was this one rule. “IF YOUR BIRTHDAY WAS DURING CAMP YOU WILL BE LAKED”. The good news is that my birthday isn’t in the summer. The even better news is that my brother’s birthday was during camp. August 23 if you were curious. Just an aside it didn’t necessarily have to be your birthday, someone just has to sing happy birthday and direct it at you and you will be laked.
On the day my brother turned a year older I had the day planned out. I would let him breathe for breakfast and lunch and for dinner he was getting laked. The day went well. Camp activities were great. The weather was great. It was an overall great day. When it came to dinner time I told my cabin my plan. We all divided into the body parts we were gonna carry. I chose the legs and I regretted it, slightly, later that day.
Once everyone had gotten food, I stood up and announced to the whole camp that it was my brother’s birthday. We all sang happy birthday to him and he was smiling and getting ready to run because he knew. Once the song was over everyone began to chant “IN THE LAKE”. We sounded like we were in a cult.
My whole cabin rushed at my brother and tried to get him off his feet. I have to admit he put up a good fight, but we had the camp of roughly 100 kids so he didn’t really have a chance. As we carried him he squirmed in our grasp. We had six people carrying him, while the rest of the campers were just around us as we walked. The closer we go to the lake the more he struggled; it was probably the most fun I had with my brother. Since I was holding his legs I could see his face and was he smiling and panicking at the same time.
We were about five meters from the edge of the lake and my brother just twisted himself into a ball and straightened out real fast. I wasn’t ready for this so I lost my balance. As I tried to stabilize myself, his feet hit me in the face really hard and I fell. People rushed by me to get my brother all the way to the lake. I got up as quick as I could because I wanted to see my brother go into the lake.
I watched the people carrying my brother get deep enough in the lake and they just let him go and walked away. Everyone cheered and laughed at it was great. I had a lot of fun at that camp but every time we laked someone I either held their arms or carried their torso never their legs.
This piece was inspired by Childish Gambino’s Camp album. The theme of going to camp and all that jazz. It was also inspired by a song from that album called That Power. The song itself had no real meaning or connection. It was the story at the end of the song. It was the fact that the story was a Camp related story that I chose to write about a camp experience for my anecdote.
Here is the song if you wanna listen
The joys of brotherhood!!!
Dear Oba,
I had a chance to review your piece before you published it and as I was reading it then as well as now, each time there has always been a smile on my face because of the joy of what summer brings and I can really feel your joy as if you are reliving the moment in this narrative. That passion you have is really great, because it kept me interested. There is also a bit of humour and verbal irony in this, like when you said, “We sounded like we were in a cult”. Haha, imagine a camp advertising it’s youth camp for 100 kids, but it’s actually a cult.
My only suggestion is word choice, commas, and spelling mistakes and these are just me nitpicking. These are seen in, “We were like five meters…”. You could try saying “about”. Also your commas in, “As I tried to stabilize myself his…” you need a comma after “myself”. Lastly in, “The closer we go to the lake the more he struggle;” you made a mistake on got and you could say “the more he would struggle” or “the more he struggled”.
I really liked this anecdote and was glad to ask you questions about your experience and the bible camp beforehand.
Eunice ✞
Dear Eunice,
Thank you for taking time out of your break to reread my anecdote. I’m very glad that you enjoyed the story.
Thank you for the corrections. I have made those corrections. I think I need to slow down when I write so I catch them more often. Thank you for catch those. I’ll reread the story to find and fix it up more. I’m looking forward to more of your writing.
Love you Lots,
Oba
Dear Oba,
From the years I’ve known you, I come to understand that you’re a person with a lot of emotion (that’s a good thing), and I’m sooo excited that you have chosen creative writing as a channel to express these emotions.
This anecdote was superb!! You and your brother have such a cute relationship! This little story reminded me of my summer camp memories and all the fun of being surrounded by friends and family! I particularly enjoyed the beginning; it was the perfect ‘hook’ sentence which drew in information about the setting, topic, and even a little bit of foreshadowing – perfect! I also enjoyed the casual tone of the story; it enhanced the writing and flowed well with the content.
As for improvements, all I have to suggest is to go over for some minor GUMPS mistakes. I noticed that there were a couple missing commas. Also I encourage you to use semicolons and dashes were appropriate as it would add more effect to your piece and increases the variety of sentences (simple, compound, complex, etc.). An example of this would be, “The day went well. Camp activities were great. The weather was great. It was an overall great day.” Try experimenting with different punctuations to see if you can join these sentences, perhaps that may add a little more energy that it needs.
Overall, excellent writing (just as expected 🙂 and I’m really looking forward to reading more of your posts. Oh, and by the way, I’ve read all your posts – they really, really gooood. I’m excited to see your growth and development as a writer!
Lots of Love,
Hefseeba
Dear Babiju,
Thank you for reading my anecdote. I really appreciate the amount and the content of your feedback. I can tell that you’re really looking to help me and I am grateful that you are. Concerning the GUMPS I just need to slowdown when editing and look closer into my writing. With sentence structures and types I will take that into consideration for other pieces. With this piece I wanted the sentences to be short and quick in some areas to represent the feeling of going to the camp. I see what you mean when you say some sentences lack energy and I will try to match the energy of my words with the mood of the work to come. Thank you again and I hope to read your future pieces.
Love you lots buddy,
Oba